More stuff from my Teenage journals and ramblings — it’s interesting that I referenced ‘environment’ back than and some more recent thoughts have brought me back to that same point with my journal entry on [Jun. 5th, 2005|08:46 pm. It’s interesting how life cycles around.
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(No date. when first written)
My stomach is aching and my mind is spinning. Am I falling or flying? I can convince my mind of anything but I cannot change my environment. I am testing, considering, and evaluating. But what I say is heard as babble. I learn to question myself. I am unable to fight this doubt others create in me. I am struggling. I can decide to end this static but once I have been relieved I cycle back.
I just cannot throw people away; they always will be there. What rights do I have? Who are they to say? There must be someone right for me if I chose to have them around my life. But do I ever really choose? In this reality I can see all the people who are around me and I cannot say I chose any of them. I was found and I just took them and made them apart of my life with no real reasoning. I just held on to them hoping without expectations that everything would relate.
